Say whatttt

God heals.

Amen!

Sooo, I'm not mature?

I've always thought I was one to quickly recognize that I was one of the most mature ones my age -then I came to Catalyst. Hah. Yeah having comfort in "being more mature than others" is probably a sign. Oh man, I need humility.

Over the last week, I've felt as if that comfort in 'maturity' was being stripped away. Ope! And with this I've surrendered reliance on my own strength, my own will, my preferences, and even my looks. All things that I have leaned on in the past have been brought up leading to a

breakthrough: realizing that when you want more of God, it means your agreeing to less of you.

The goal isn't robot-like people. The goal isn't passivity. The goal isn't surrendering and losing.

Because surrendering in these areas lead us to victory. That we will be mature by our reliance on God!

It's a frustrating process, no doubt, but this surrendering is necessary for me to learn how to be lead. So that I can let God be God, and trust that he will take care of the rest.

I'm giving up my constant striving, and I'm just going to let God love me.


Try it out, it's worth the battle.

Truth.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”


Thank youuuuu Nelson!

You know that whole "this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine" deal? More like this gigantic light which is the presence of God in all of us. The world needs some light! Don't hold back the blessings we've been given. We are blessed to be a blessing!

Frustrating and funny.

Ever since I first arrived in Tacoma, things have been shaken up. Obviously living in a new home - shake. New community - shake. New church shake. New worship styles/sound -shake.

And I've found myself at times wanting to complain.... But knowing I wasn't justified in my complaints.
Approaching breakthrough is never as smooth as you might want it to be. It's so funny how you ask for something so much, and have this set out cookie cutter idea of how it should pan out THEREFORE blinding you from the process leading exactly to what you wanted.

Had this dream last night where I was trying to accomplish all of these small tasks and repeatedly failed. For example: Was given directions with a group of people= I was the only one who didn't understand. Had dirty hands= no way of washing them... Just to name a few of the aggravating things that occurred in this dream. Woke up this morning feeling that frustration, and then brought it up at church that night and asked for prayer about it, to see if God was trying to say something though it. Ding ding ding!

I'm at a point in my life where I'm giving up all areas of control, where I'm on the edge of this cliff and I've got to just jump in faith so that God can give me wings. This lack of control right now is Frustrating. But hello God. You do not call us to live comfortably! So this is so encouraging. Through this "letting go" I believe that God is going to take care of me. He desperately wants us to fall into His arms. That's love. In His love, He will take care of us- give us wings! That's the type of love He has. Love that brings freedom.

Praise God!

Where I am is exactly where You'll be.

First off, I'm being fed so much truth while here in Tacoma that I almost want to just bullet it out. I'll try to make it flow for y'all.

I was a bit frustrated the first few days, because God spoke that I am one to receive great revelation but I felt as if I was just experiencing the same old and that He wasn't "showing up" in His glorious mighty way. I was telling Him I'll lay it all down, striving to see His
Glory and feel His presence.
When we strive, we are reaching for something that is unattainable, that God didn't desire you to have at times- therefore it's exhausting because you never get what you want.

Over the past day and a half the teachings have really revealed to me the truth that exactly where we are- God is also! He carefully placed us in this place and time, specifically for us to learn from others and Him! To experience intimacy with Him! And to receive revelation in the seemingly ordinary.

As Ive begun to step back and SIMPLIFY things, I realize that God is right in front of my face. And through prayer lately, worship, and 'school' I am so much more quick to see Gods hand in all of it.

Everything is so woven together. It's beautiful. I love having a God that wants you to understand life. God is the perfection of communion and togetherness in Trinity.

I'm just super in awe today and Gods beauty, in my friends, in His plan! And in this gorgeous Tacoma environment.

Praise tha Lord!

I pray that the beauty of simplicity is revealed to all of us today! God show us your glory, but also show us how you make so much dang sense! Love you!

Revelation in the days to come

So I've always known that God has great plans for me, even when I didn't give credit to God for the plan.

It's now when these plans are becoming so tangible, so attainable. And ALL the glory goes to God. I'm seeing Him become more real within just the last few days.
The Lord said I will receive radically from Him and I will give radically. His promise is abundant life. More of God means more life.
------------------

Psalm 23
Learning to be content with what the Lord has given and shown me. "I shall not want" There is great peace in the presence of God. He makes me rest in fields of green by quiet streams. These steady streams are streams of our salvation. Our safety our promise. Our gift.
And God is here guiding us through it all right now. In utter darkness, He is our light. He is our safety and bravery while we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
We now can skip through these places we used to be so fearful of. Laugh in them even. There is goodness that is to come in the House of God Forever. God, I shall not want a thing- because you are going to provide and your gifts are never ending. Your blessings are new each day. Let whoever ask God in faith, and it will be given.

My prayer is that our wills become aligned with your will Lord, that we may seek to understand your plan and live accordingly!

Whatever the revelation you choose to give me, I will be thankful for. Whatever you show me, I will be in awe. You will always be the lover of my soul. I've been given a huge heart, and I just pray for the further capacity to love and be loved.


Lovelove loooove:)

....surprise! Oh wait. Now? It's coming..

So God is always working.... Always being big and powerful even when we aren't amidst miracles or trials.

I've just arrived in Tacoma tonight and I'm still so taken back by all that surrounds me here. I dropped off other students at their "family's house" and then had the drive to the Buskirk's all on my own. I wanted to put on music to quiet certain anxious thoughts, but God was like nope, "be with me". I told Him personally how excited I am and how thankful I am that this is His plan. It was a bit sobering. Obviously God saw my excitement and knew it quite well, but just wanted me to talk directly to Him about what I've said to so many others. How great it is to have a jealous and intimate God. He desires our affections, and draws us near to Him.
That us totally what He is doing right now.

He has said that I will impact everyone that I meet, But I first must draw near to Him.

Im feeling this closeness that I haven't really felt before, at least I'm feeling it in a different way. Good different for sure.

Man, so I'm in the Buskirk's upstairs getting rushes from the coffee I drank 6+ hours ago (went to Dutch Bros in Oregon... Sweet! And he even accepted my coupon from AZ) and I'm totally not unpacked, just doing this thang.
I'm just so in awe. I'm living in a house with 9 other people over the next month and a half, and God is going to teach me so much through not only these people, but THROUGH Catalyst.. Duh. I've always had a desire in my heart for my house to be a place that is welcoming and hospitable to everyone and I think I'm going to learn how that is possible this summer... yes! I believe God is going to reveal my ministry and maybe even a possible job (career sort of thing haha)this summer. I'm going to do a lot of maturing and developing this summer.

I see some blossoming heading my way, but not without some heavy rain. Eh sorry I'm using corny metaphors, but seriously. Bring it God.

One huge desire of mine is to cry out of response to your presence, your glory, your power, and your LOVE. You are so big God.

But then again, I'm just sort of waiting for these surprises, so who knows what will happen this summer! I'm banking that it's probably going to blow my expectations out of the water, and kind of just switch up everything.. in an incredible way!

I praise God for getting us Arizonians safely to Tacoma. 26 hours of driving... Done! For now. Hah

Hallelujah to ya. I'm a bit loopy because of lack of sleep and the traveling but thanks for ALL the support.

Love!

Nothing but pure excitement

Soooo for some reason 1 and a half hours of sleep is okay for me on this day in particular. Woke up pretty darn easy about 15 mins ago.

About to leave for a wonderful journey that my life has been leading up to. I realize it has felt a bit like I'm being thrown a surprise party and all I know is that it's going to have great company.

the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!

-Jack Kerouac

I feel excited for the growth, life, the people.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. " Jeremiah 29:11

And what an excellent plan and promise that is.


Whoopeeee!

Oh Heyyy

I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.

Tonight was quite a wonderful night. Good reminder that we need not try so hard. I have a friend who claims to have a fear of praying out loud and tonight we sat in my car and just spoke to our Dad. We giggled, were in awe, and felt the love. Our Dad was right there, with His hand on my cheek. I could feel how proud He was of His girls. We just spoke exactly what was on our minds and what the Lord put on our hearts and it was solid community time to say the least. Jesus was making himself known.

It's a funny thing how un-alone we always are. Our God never leaves our side, and is forever for us! If our God is for us, then nothing can stop us.
There is such beauty in meeting God exactly where we are at. Whether it be an emotional roller coaster, full of thanks, doubts, or fears. He is a man of His word. He's there to deal with it WITH us. He's there to have control when we've lost all hope in ourselves. He's there to have control! Hey, control! I repeat this because it's totally what He's trying to get through my pea-brain. Haha. Just give it up.

We're here to seek Him, seek His plan for our lives and the rest is in His hands- He will open and close the doors and lead us.

There's such simplicity and adventure in following.

May we grow in faith each day, so that we experience even more freedom in ever more light.

Upside to feeling weak.

Now we cannot...discover our failure to keep God's law except by trying our very hardest (and then failing). Unless we really try, whatever we say there will always be at the back of our minds the idea that if we try harder next time we shall succeed in being completely good. Thus, in one sense, the road back to God is a road of moral effort, of trying harder and harder. But in another sense it is not trying that is ever going to bring us home. All this trying leads up to the vital moment at which you turn to God and say, You must do this. I can't.

C. S. Lewis 

Truth!
This kind of sums up my frustrations and life lately. There's this constant striving and eventual feeling of defeat. There is our defeat and there is a positive defeat: where we finally stop trying, stop relying on our own doing and our own strength and once again land at the foot of the throne.

Tired and helpless, therefore pleading for God's help. Which is essentially where we should be all along. So in these times of weakness, there are great blessings and STRENGTH! Strength in knowing that we can't nor were made to do this on our own and the answer lies in giving up our own assumptions, pride, and plan and RELYING on God's will for our lives. For when we are weak, we give full reign for Him to be strong in us.

To God be ALL the glory.

In the beginning...

Soooo I got accepted to Catalyst a few months ago. Interestingly enough, I was a bit doubtful of whether or not I was "good enough" for Catalyst at first. Definitely had some hesitation, but once I actually sought God's will for my life and applied- He decided to bless me with bold affirmations that completely directed me towards Tacoma, WA.

I remember waking up and feeling a little uneasy and almost saying "if this isn't your will, make it easy for me to understand" It felt as if I was interrupted mid-sentence by God laughing at me, basically saying you already know your accepted! .... 3 hours go by and what do ya know? I get a phone call from Ms Lauren telling me of my acceptance into Catalyst. Praise the Lord!

God has this wild, wild plan for me and my ministry and I have no doubt that His hand is guiding me entirely to Catalyst. He's doing a work in me! Day after day is revealing changes and how to further rely on Him. It is definitely a process, and I am learning all about rejoicing in these times of weakness. What this world has to offer is so temporary, while His plan provides not only bettering of myself and the place we live- but leads to life lived more abundantly.

Wild wild that's all this can be.
And yet we're so safe in thee.
I dive in and explore around
Seasons come and go, and I marvel at what I've found
That You continue to get bigger and leave no room for expectation.
Driven and peaceful, I surrender my all for your elation.